"I wouldn't want to mess with you"
"My" unique challenges as a woman business owner"
Picture this, four of us standing, talking about our new premises and the opportunities we hope that it would bring. Myself and 3 younger men- in their early 40s. My business partner and two real estate agents. Towards the end of the conversation which I felt was equally shared between the four of us, one of the real estate guys, turned to me and said “I wouldn’t want to mess with you”. Wow, what?? I was furious. Immediately after the interaction, I debriefed with my business partner about the comment. His response was- “It was meant as a compliment”. “What?” There is no way that a man would say this to another male. He might think it and even see it as a strength in a male. But to me, it was a put-down. Like many situations that stay with me, in retrospect, I should have handled this differently and challenged the comment. I wonder if this might have exacerbated their opinions. I further reflected that these men work in male-dominated field and maybe it was my obligation to help them understand. Oh well- next time!
Anyway, I have been presented with another opportunity and this time, I am not going to let it pass. It has been four long weeks since I commented on a post on the APA Business page. It was about the lack of female-speaker representation at the Pre-conference workshop. As is wont to do on Facebook, I made a blithe comment that there are unique challenges for women running a health business. This short comment was intended to highlight and amplify that women’s voices are often not heard and our experiences are different. I do not know the percentage of women owning health businesses but there have historically been many of us. I was happy with the affirmation from one Poster, who said that he was sure that there are unique challenges for women business owners. Then much discussion about female representation as presenters at conferences and the barriers, which have been very eloquently outlined by Jade Scott and others, both on Facebook and the GrowthRx forums.
Then came the question: So what are the unique challenges for women running a health business? There it is! For four weeks, I have been reflecting on my answer. Twists and turns in my mind. Through the fog of jetlag and long covid, I have been juggling with this question? Are there unique challenges? Did I just make it up? Have things changed? Should I just ignore the question, just like I ignored the comment last time? Nope- I need to women-up and at least attempt a response. I realise that I can only tell the story from my perspective. Readers can then decide whether my experience either agrees with theirs or can consider their own.
Before I begin, as a recent ex-employer of both young men and women professionals, I would like to acknowledge the shift in gender roles over the past 10 or so years. Fathers are much more involved in the day-to-day caregiving of their children. This has enriched their lives however a change in responsibilities can be difficult. Everyone has needed to be more flexible-even business owners to accommodate this change.
Now finally back to the question:
What were the (my) unique challenges as a woman owning a (health) business?
Firstly I will outline the specific times I have been treated differently because of my gender. It is somewhat easier than the second part which is about being a Mother. Motherhood is much more nuanced and I acknowledge may create some disagreement amongst readers. Remember though, this is my story.
Not long before the “real estate” story at the top of the blog, my business partner and I were out hunting for new premises. Oops- this is another real estate story! After introductions, the young male agent spoke only to my male business partner. I may as well have been invisible. This time, my business partner did notice. Another missed opportunity for me. Just leaving me angry! (seems that there is a cultural problem in real estate?)
In the many times that I have been in a bank, both males and females would initially direct the conversation to my business partner. This usually settled once we established that we were both equally involved.
I have had a male patient stand over the top of me and intimidate me to get me to release his notes to him, there and then right on pick-up time, even with a 48-hour policy. I had no problem releasing the notes but not when he walked in the door at 2.50pm, literally stood over me and demanded them. I do not think that he would have done this to a male. I had no choice, other than call the cops. It was easier just to do what he wanted and make him go away. My primary school children got used to Mum sometimes being late on the days that it was my turn to collect them.
This next one is not related to me being a business owner but is related to our profession and my time on APA committees, chaired by men. I have offered ideas and opinions that I felt were not taken on or dismissed, only for a male committee member to put forward the same idea and be applauded for it. It is an uncomfortable truth! And not that long ago. Seems it still happens!
Now to the Mother-part of the challenge. I will make a broad-sweeping statement that I am sure is being regularly debated in our modern world.
Women are biologically wired to care for and protect their children. For me, regardless of where I was or what I was doing, my first thoughts were about them, Always! Clearly, then this impacted consciously or subconsciously on every decision that I made in my working life. It might be organising someone to pick them up or look after them if my husband wasn’t unavailable. It was taking the phone call at work if they were unwell at school. I wanted to know. It was being with them after school and working every night after they went to bed. Women are often the soothers, the comforters, the coaches, and general emotional support for our children. We often take on similar roles in our work environments both with patients and employees. It is what we do but can be a large emotional load on top of the practicalities of running a profitable/ successful business.
I consider my relationship with my husband as a true partnership and there is much truth in the statement that I could not have done and achieved what I did without him. It is not appropriate to say, “I am lucky”. It is just the way a relationship should be. Luck has nothing to do with it.
After nearly 30 years of business ownership, I have many stories. Many are long-forgotten but just in writing, my memories find the times when being a woman and running a business has offered challenges. We do the best we can and it is worthwhile to acknowledge that it is not always easy.
I would love readers now to consider their own situations. All unique, I am sure. This is my story. Power to you all.
Fortunately, there are women who are a lot more eloquent than I who share my view. Thank you Virginia Trioli. The book making women furious :
ABC news 11/11/2023